Lively Stones Baptist Church Newsletter    February 2022

Livelystonesbc   -   February 7, 2022

Lively Stones Baptist Church Newsletter    February 2022

Pastor’s Pen

This month is the time in which we celebrate Valentine’s Day. A day to remember and do something for the one we love. But I wonder, how many of us actually remember and do something for that special person in our lives.

That brings us to think about the wonderful institution of marriage. Did you know that God created marriage? (Read Genesis 2:23-24) Marriage is companionship, and communication. I would like to share some important facts about “Communication”. Did you know that 95% of women said that communication was the main issue in their marriage! Saying, “he won’t talk”, he won’t share his thoughts”, and “he won’t listen”. Men said that when it comes to communication that 90% is the woman’s problem, not theirs. They said, “she talks too much”, and “she talks all the time and I can’t get a word”. Did you know that marriage counselors say that 85% of marriage problems are – Lack of Communication!

Define “Communication”. It’s more than talking. It’s clearly, concisely, communicating to another your need, in such a manner as to be fully heard by the other. (My wife gave me this definition!) There are universal needs that must be accomplished in order to truly communicate. (Read James 1:19) These needs are:

1) To be heard.

2) To be understood.

3) To be loved.

4) To be respectful.

When we apply these important principles to our communication, you will find a much greater fulfillment in the marriage communication.

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that there is power in the tongue. How true! What we say can heal, encourage, edify, or hurt & destroy!

       Let me give you Five Basic Levels of Communication that will help you in your relationship:

1. Frivolous – short words of communication, like when someone asks you how you are, you say “Fine”.
2. Factual – just the facts, basics. Men are more prone to factual communication. Men do so because they think with their heads.
3. Fellowship – ideas, thoughts, sharing time with others but not really involving in a meaningful way.
4. Feelings – open up. How we really feel. Women are more prone to share feelings. They do so because they think with their heart.
5. Freedom – sharing dreams, fears with no fear of rejection. When you become intimate in your relationship. Intimate is the inner most self.

Now, which one of these do you have in your relationship? Which one would you like to have in your relationship?

         Pastor – Rev. Michael J Kent, Sr.

March Prophecy Conference:

We will be having a Prophecy Conference March 6-9, 2022. Dr. Harold Hunter will be the guest speaker. Please plan to join us on Sunday, March 6, at 11 AM, Monday, March 7, at 7 PM, Tuesday, March 8, at 7 PM, and Wednesday, March 9, at 7 PM.

Schedule of Events

LONELINESS

Aline Weaver Kent, PhD.

New Directions Ministry

In Genesis 2:18, after the Lord God created the first man, He said, “It is not good that man should be alone.” Truer words were never spoken! We were created and designed to live in relationships and in fellowship with other human beings. We deeply desire to know other people and to be known by them, to have at least one other human being truly enter our lives, to understand our pain, and to share our joys.

The Sources of Loneliness

 Everyone struggles with loneliness at some point in his or her life. A recent survey showed that about 25 percent of adult respondents said they had felt very lonely in the preceding few weeks. Teenagers reported an even higher percentage; many teenagers feel rejected or ignored by their peer group, and they believe that no one understands or cares about their worries, fears, and problems. Loneliness is common among young mothers who spend day after day taking care of children and having very little adult interaction. Loneliness is also common among older adults who have experienced losses in their lives – perhaps the loss of a spouse, certainly the loss of many friends over the years, and often the loss of family ties as children move away to pursue their careers. The most common cause of loneliness is loss owing to death, separation, or divorce.

Loneliness is epidemic in our changing, mobile society. Every year, about one-fifth of American families move to a new location. The average American changes addresses once every five years. Even if you haven’t moved in the past forty years, odds are that many of your neighbors, close friends, relatives, and pastors have – and you are left alone.

Loneliness is compounded when we keep our feelings inside. Some of us truly have no one to talk to, but many of us choose isolation by deciding to live by a code of stoic, rugged individualism; or by thinking, “I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems”; or thinking, “I don’t want to show weakness”; or thinking, “No one wants to hear what I’m going through. I’ll just keep it to myself.”

Some people erect a wall of loneliness as a defense against rejection. If I don’t make friends, they think, then no one will ever leave me, hurt me, or reject me. I will reject the world before anyone can reject me. Such self-defeating attitudes are usually rooted in childhood and adolescent experiences of rejection; their ability to trust other people has been damaged. In other cases, people who make themselves lonely are people whose childhood developmental needs of acceptance and affection were not met. In still other cases, people who create their own “loneliness zone” are those who never acquired the social skills to make friends.

People who are not gifted or attractive may be lonely simply because other people are not attracted to them. But the opposite extreme also can result in loneliness. People who are extremely intelligent, attractive, or creative may be very lonely because (1) they work such long hours at their creative or academic pursuits that they miss out on special opportunities, or (2) they are wary in relationships, believing that other people only like them for their looks or their abilities, and not for who they really are inside. In many cases, work and achievement become barriers, preventing these individuals from having to allow other people into their lives.

Diagnosing Your Loneliness

The following inventory can help you determine your level of loneliness. Place a check mark before each statement you identify or agree with. Answer quickly, without taking very much time to ponder. If in doubt, check off the statement. Your most immediate response is usually the most accurate.

  __ I sometimes hurt inside.

  __ I often feel empty inside.

  __ I sometimes yearn to be with another person.

  __ I frequently do not feel accepted by a group I am with.

  __ I sometimes feel “I don’t belong here.”

   __ I frequently worry that others may not accept me.

   __ I occasionally suspect that other people avoid me.

   __ I sometimes feel that others are smarter than I am.

   __ I sometimes feel that others are better looking than I am.

   __ I sometimes feel that others are more confident and talented than I am.

   __ I wish I could be more outgoing.

   __ I belong to few clubs or organizations.

   __ Even though I belong to one or more groups, I don’t really feel a part of them.

   __ Nobody really knows who I am inside.

   __ I feel abandoned, misunderstood, or unsupported by people in my church or family.

   __ I sometimes do not feel that God is close to me.

   __ My friends have no idea of the problems I’m going through.

   __ I don’t want anyone to know I feel sad or lonely.

   __ I spend a lot of hours alone.

   __ I feel that no one can ever really know another individual.

   __  I seldom associate with people my own age.

   __  I often withdraw into daydreaming.

   __  I often enjoy my inner fantasy world more than being with people.

   __  I don’t feel I really need friends.

   __  I often feel desperate for friends.

   __  I would rather talk about theories, issues, and intellectual subjects than talk about my

        real feelings.

    __ I sometimes use humor to avoid facing my own loneliness or sadness, or to keep others

        from knowing how much I hurt inside.

    __ I have many physical aches and pains.

    __ I wish I could be more open about my emotions.

    __ I rarely confront people who have hurt me; I would rather withdraw.

    __ When I’m alone, I sometimes do things I shouldn’t – binge eating, drinking, using drugs,

            watching too much television.

    __ I often feel very guilty.

    __ I often feel angry or sad.

    __ I often think about mistakes I’ve made; I frequently focus on regrets.

    __ I often help others, but others rarely help me.

    __ I often feel put down by others.

    __ I am often preoccupied with my looks.

    __ I am often preoccupied with work, achievement, and success.

    __ I wish I were more popular.

    __ I was not very popular in high school or college.

    __ I was not very active in social activities in school.

    __ I have not dated much.

    __ I sometimes have trouble trusting others.

    __ I have sometimes used alcohol or drugs to escape from feeling bad inside.

    __ I work hard so I can forget my feelings or so I don’t have to be home alone.

    __ I have had few friends all my life.

    __ My relationships with others are often stormy and unstable.

    __ I sometimes feel rejected, even by my closest friends.

    __ Others seldom come to see me or call me.

    __ I have often felt inferior to others.

    __ I hate it when people criticize me.

    __ I often criticize others.

    __ I feel that being a leader is a lonely job.

    __ People have told me I’m aloof or “stuck up.”

    __  I have trouble forming lasting relationships.

    __ I feel awful when people reject me.

    __ I would like to be around people, but I’m afraid they won’t like me.

    __ I don’t really want to be around people very much.

     __ I would rather vacation alone than with friends or family.

     __ I often worry about my relationship with others.

     __ When I am with other people, I feel anxious and uncomfortable.

     __ I have sometimes felt so lonely that I had little reason to live.

Now go back and count the number of check marks. A score of 20 or less indicates that you are probably not lonely very often. A score of 21 to 29 indicates that you experience loneliness at times but probably do a fair job of tolerating, managing, and emerging from your loneliness. A score of 30 or more reflects a definite struggle with feelings of loneliness. You should strongly consider implementing the suggestions in the action plan below for conquering loneliness. You may also want to consider counseling for any issues in your life that interfere with your relationship with God and with others.

An Action Plan for Conquering Loneliness

Loneliness does not have to be permanent. Properly understood, feelings of loneliness are a “wake-up call,” signaling to us that we have important emotional needs that are not being met. The solution to loneliness is to identify and meet those needs. Here is an action plan for discovering our needs and conquering our loneliness:

1. Assess your emotional needs. Are you feeling stressed out and have no one to share your struggles with? Or do you just want someone to know the real you? Do you need someone to confess your sins to, someone to hold you accountable to make constructive changes in your life? Do you lack confidence and need a friend who can help you gain the self-assurance to attempt a major challenge in your life? As you gain a clearer sense of your emotional needs, you will be able to understand exactly what you are looking for in a friend.
2.  Reach out to people who are serious about authentic relationships. You may ask, “Where do I find people like that?” Answer: Many churches offer small group Bible studies and support groups that are perfectly designed for people who need friends. Contact your pastor and ask about the small group ministries in your church. If your church doesn’t offer such groups, find a church that does. The people in these groups are committed to relationships, they are committed to being open and accepting, and they are eager to know and befriend new people. In these groups, people pray for each other, care for each other, get together socially, and express the love of God to one another.
3. Disclose yourself to a few trusted people. Don’t be embarrassed to go into a group and honestly ask for help. Take a week or two to get comfortable with the group and build your trust level, then let down your walls and let the people in the group see who you really are. And don’t just take from the group; give as well. Be a good listener and a good friend. Become involved in other people’s lives as they become involved in yours.
4. Sharpen your social skills. One of the best ways to get people to take an interest in you is to take an interest in people. Ask people about themselves, about their careers, their children, their interests, their hopes for the future, their faith, how they came to know the Lord. It is always refreshing and enjoyable to meet someone who is truly interested in you, so turn the situation around, become interested in others, and you will soon find yourself connecting with people on a deep level.
5. Place yourself in new situations. Take on new interests and activities in which you will get out and meet new people. Volunteer for ministries at church. Get involved in recreation activities through your job or a health club. Look for avenues of community service. Get involved with your local political party organization or with a community club.
6. Reach out to lonely people. When you see someone sitting alone at church, sit down and introduce yourself. Ask people out for lunch after church. Find an exercise partner at the gym. Make a point of getting to know your neighbors. Focus on one person at a time. When you give caring and attention, you often receive caring and attention in return.
7. Turn off the TV. Television can be like a drug we use to anesthetize our loneliness. People often “zonk out” in front of the TV so they won’t have to deal with other people or with their emotions and issues. Television also reduces the amount of time we have to devote to friendships and social activities. Research shows that excessive TV watching makes people more fearful, distrustful, and cynical – emotional qualities that tend to deepen our isolation and loneliness.
8. Don’t forget to smile. You’ll be amazed how a warm, open, friendly expression on your face can open doors to lasting friendships.
9. Be patient. Sometimes people “scare” potential friends away by rushing intimacy, by spilling their entire life story onto shy, reserved people they have just met. Give friendship time to grow. Give people time to learn who you are and that you can be trusted.
10. Seek friendship with God. Our Lord is a Friend who understands loneliness. Jesus was subjected to intense loneliness when He was abandoned and betrayed by His disciples at the time of His arrest (see Matthew 26:56 and Mark 14:50). When He was on the cross, dying, He said, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Mark 15:34).

Within each of us is a God-shaped void, an emptiness that can only be filled by a relationship with God Himself. Until we find our connection with Him, we will always be lonely. If you have never experienced a relationship with God through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ, then you can begin that experience right now. Invite Jesus Christ into your heart!

If you feel isolated from God, consider the sources of those feelings of isolation. There is a saying, “If God seems distant, ask yourself, ‘Who moved?’” God always wants to have a relationship with us, but there are many kinds of barriers that sometimes cloud our relationship with God. Some of us have had negative childhood experiences that cause us to project a negative image onto God; for example, if we had cold, unloving, distant parents, we will likely project an image onto God that is cold, unloving, and distant, even though the Bible presents Him as a loving, tender Father.

We also experience isolation from God as a result of sin. Patterns and attitudes of sin break our fellowship with God because God cannot have fellowship with sin. Adam and Eve even experienced this principle; before their sin, they had close fellowship with God, but after their sin they hid from God. If there is sin in your life, deal with it, confess it, turn from it, and ask God to cleanse your heart. Meditate on Psalm 51.

Jesus has promised never to leave us or forsake us (Matthew 28:20). He hears us when we pray. His Holy Spirit comes to us as the Comforter. He is ready and eager to meet with us and have intimate fellowship with us. He gives us a beautiful word picture of intimate fellowship with Him in Revelation 3:20, where He says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come into him and dine with him, and he with Me.”

Confidential, Christian counseling is available at Lively Stones through the ministry of Kingdom Counselors and Dr. Kent. You can reach her by emailing drkent.kingdomcounselors@gmail.com or calling (434)227-1677.

Redeeming Valentine’s Day – A Story of Grace

by Bob Kauflin

On February 14 of 1972, I gave a Valentine’s Day card to Julie, who is now my wife.

It sounds like a fairy tale romance. Two people find each other in high school, get married, and live happily ever after.

That’s what happened, but the story didn’t start so well. And once you hear it, you’ll think more of Julie, less of me, and be more amazed by grace.

I made the card at home. The front said, “Joy is not in things, but in us…” and on the inside, “And especially in you.”

It was a moving sentiment, meant to encourage a girl I thought was a little withdrawn. I was the choir accompanist and senior class president and I figured any girl who received a card from me would be blessed. So I gave the same card to 16 other girls.

A Rough Start

Julie had no idea her card was one of 17, and later on that day she gave me a hand written note that covered an entire 8 ½ by 11 piece of paper. I don’t remember exactly what it said, but it had something to do with liking me. A lot.

Julie was the only girl who responded to my overture, and I wasn’t completely pleased.  She wasn’t one of the “in crowd” from my perspective, and I gave her the card more out of a desire to encourage her than to start a relationship. But she was undeterred. She started hanging around with me, driving me places (I didn’t have a license or a car), making me cherry pies and brownies, and doing whatever she could to spend time with me.

In return, I acted awkward and distant, didn’t respond to her overtures, and at one point wrote her a song that included these lines:

You mean more than many people, but something isn’t there
Maybe it’s wrong to keep it from you, maybe it’s unfair
So you go the way you wanna go and I’ll met you there tomorrow
You go the way you wanna go and I’ll meet you there for sure
Maybe another day might be the day when we could get together
But baby it’s late and I have to go

Touching, I know. I was in over my head. Julie wanted a relationship I wasn’t prepared to give her. But because she was willing to drive me places, we continued to hang out. (The things we do for transportation love…)

That summer, after we graduated, we kissed for the first time. Again, I had misgivings, but figured I could stay with her until someone better came along. I felt like I was doing her a favor.

It gets worse.

Breaking Up Isn’t So Hard To Do

We dated for the next year through my first year of college, during which time I became a Christian. Julie worked at a show horse farm. The next year, she joined me at Temple University. We spent a lot of time together, but I still didn’t see her as my future wife.

That Thanksgiving we went to see “The Way We Were” with Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand. At the end of the evening I told her I wanted to break up.

My timing was impeccable. And classy.

Since we had the same group of friends at school, we saw each other often. I remember many nights in the dorm stairwell, where Julie would say through tears that she didn’t understand why we couldn’t be together. I would “compassionately” tell her to praise God in all things, and that I was sure God had someone else for her.

During that time I wrote her another song with these lines:

Love will never let you down but that’s just what it’s done
It brought you to a field of grass and wouldn’t let you run
You gave me everything you had which only made you poor
And as you begged to stay with me I showed you to the door

A Happy Ending

Over the next couple years, God used Julie to expose my deep and pervasive pride. No one had loved me like Julie, in spite of my constant rebuffs. No one was as faithful, no one was as encouraging, no one was as giving. I didn’t deserve her and I was an idiot not to want to be with her.

In the fall of 1975, again on Thanksgiving, I asked Julie to marry me and unbelievably, she said yes. We tied the knot in August of 1976.

I share this story for three reasons (and yes, I got Julie’s permission).

First, sovereignty. God accomplishes his purposes through our stupidity, sin, insensitivity, blindness, and resistance. His plans for us are not ultimately dependent on our wisdom, cooperation, or intelligence. And it’s a good thing.

Second, hope. God loves to take dysfunctional, sin-ruled, hopeless relationships and turn them into something for his glory. Even as I wrote this story out, I winced. It’s painful. And I didn’t even go in to the worst parts! But the pain is far surpassed by the years I’ve spent with the woman who is God’s greatest gift to me after salvation. Through the laughter and tears, the trials and blessings, the mundaneness and adventure, I’ve come to realize one of the reasons I was made was to seek to love this woman as Christ loves the church. And doing so has introduced me to a happiness I never dreamed I’d know. 38 years later it just keeps getting better.

Third, gospel. My history with Julie breathes grace. I resisted a relationship with her, told her I didn’t need her, and tried to live life without her. All the while she never stopped graciously and persistently loving and pursuing me. Isn’t that a picture of the way God relates to us?

If you’re a Christian this Valentine’s Day, wherever your love story happens to be – fruitful, confused, damaged, unwritten – you can be sure God loves you like no one ever could. He is working, he’s working for good, and as we entrust our lives to him through Christ, he will find a way to show us his love, power, and wisdom. For “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

I thank God he used my pride years ago to introduce me to the woman who is now the love of my life (and also gave me the opportunity to write sweeter songs for her).

I thank God even more that that he called me from death to life through Jesus, who came to bear our sins upon himself so that we might be forgiven and brought near to the Father.

Unimaginable grace. Unspeakable kindness. Unending love. A glorious gospel.

Kids’ Ideas About Love

Kids, aged 5 to 10, were asked questions about what they thought of love and marriage. Here’s what they said:

• “If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” — Glenn, age 7
• “Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” — John, age 9
• “I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” — Manuel, age 8
• “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” — Mae, age 9
• “Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.” — Greg, age 8
• “Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” — Tom, age 5
• “My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll find somebody who’s kinda tall and handsome.” — Carolyn, age 8
• “It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” — Kenny, age 7
• “One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” — Ava, age 8
• “I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” — Regina, age 10
• “Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” — Dave, age 8
• “I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn’t always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses.” — Gina, age 8
• “The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” — Curt, age 7
• “The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It’s the right thing to do.” — Howard, age 8
• “If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” — Anita, age 8
• “It isn’t always how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything, and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” — Brian, age 7
• “It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are — on fire.” — Christine, age 9
• “See if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” — John, age 9
• “You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” — Allan, age 10
• “No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” — Kirsten, age 10
• “Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” — Alonzo, age 9
• “No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married!” — Freddie, age 6
• “Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” — Dick, age 7
• “Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” — Lynnette, age 8
• “Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!” — Ricky, age 7
• “Don’t forget your wife’s name. That will mess up the love.” — Erin, age 8
• “Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.” — Erin, age 8
• “Don’t say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn’t like picking what movie you want to watch.” — Natalie, age 9